The thing about truth is that everyone has a different version of it. And though it’s possible that some of us know some of the truth some of the time, it’s pretty unlikely that we’ll know much of the truth most of the time.
I grew up thinking that I could trust at least a few people: parents, church, government, police officers and teachers. One-by-one my illusions shattered.
When I was in junior high school I had a teacher literally push me into the girls room during gym class. Then he lied to the dean of discipline (yes, it was a Catholic school) and told her I entered on my own accord. I was duly punished and I came to hate and mistrust authority.
Next came church. Not only my own parish priest was accused by more than one kid of inappropriate sexual acts, but it seemed the entire church ran amok with problems. Then my own boss at the time, a military priest, made a move on me – as did my vocational director when I was in the seminary.
That’s when the lights turned on for me I believe. I realized if I could be so easily duped by the church I had been so faithful to, it was possible that there were crazy things going on in other arenas.
On three occasions I’ve been purposely mistreated by the police when I was completely innocent. For instance when I was on 42nd Street in New York City (before it was cleaned up a bit) and showing something from my wallet to one of my military buddies (who just happened to be black) a cop tried to arrest me for buying drugs! Then he threatened to take me into the subway and “beat the shit” out of me. (Serve and protect? My tax money at work.)
As if these types of experiences were not bad enough, we have events like the Kennedy assassination and 9/11. At one time I would have been naive enough to believe the government wouldn’t lie to her citizens. I know better now.
But I’ve learned that I can’t put any energy into trying to find the answers – or “truth” from much in the world. I’m learning to embrace mystery. There is something magical about getting to the point where one can stop asking “why” and instead ask, “how am I going to treat myself and others as I move forward in unknowing.”
It’s awfully easy to get caught up in right and wrong. After all, we are conditioned from the time we are born into believing in such dichotomy. In the long run I really think that there is no such thing as “right” or “wrong.”
Where I really get stuck though is in knowing how much responsibility I have in holding others to truth. For instance, if I really thought the government was involved in a conspiracy (or many), do I have an obligation to do anything about it?
How about discrimination or others, human rights, hunger, pollution? Where does the line begin and end for personal responsibility? I guess it comes down to each individual deciding what kind of world he or she wants to live in and trying to take small steps to create that for themselves.
I’ve seen individuals who could change the world, so I know it’s possible. Do I need to follow in their footsteps? Or can I just affect a change in my own life and environment? In the end for me personally, I seek to respect myself and others and to take small steps toward change. Because when it comes to the “big picture,” it’s all a bit too overwhelming for me.